Thursday, November 08, 2007

sad news but trusting God

The reason I have not really been writing much or commenting lately is due to a very sad time in our little family. The reason I really want to share this is so that as brothers/sisters in Christ you might pray for us but also as my friends I want you to know about this important yet sad time in our lives, it's important to share the good and the hard with each other, to build each other up and to encourage each other in God's word.

We found out about 5 weeks ago we were pregnant! We were very excited at first but when I reached 6 weeks I started spotting, I felt really uneasy about this and it didn't sit very well with me. Pregnancy + bleeding = bad news to me!

Anyhow, the doctor requested I go for a 8 week scan which was last Monday. For a whole week and a half I had stopped being excited and was actually preparing myself for bad news. I guess a glimmer of hope always remains but as a women I think God has most definitely given us an intuition and I just knew in the bottom of my heart that things didn't look good.

Monday was a really tough day, we went early for the ultrasound. I had two ultrasounds but no fetal heartbeat could be found, the sac and fetus were only measuring 6 weeks and I should have been 8 weeks. I was very certain of my dates and also with the spotting starting at around 6 weeks I just knew what the outcome would be. There were many tears and I felt sick in my tummy at the prospect of the results.

An hour later and I collected my results and it was confirmed that it was a nonviable pregnancy. I felt awful and I cried a lot on Monday, seeing that everything was there but not growing was tough - you try not to get too excited especially knowing that 1 in 4 women miscarry but there is a part of you that can't help but think through having a baby and what that might look like...

Then the process of the miscarriage started all by itself, it was like my body was given permission to do what it needed to do, the news having been confirmed.

Although I have had a few really bad days and today being my first day back at work I feel a little fragile I want to say that through all of this - I have felt God's peace and his comfort at this time. He is in control and the reason this has happened is because he wants what is best for SP and I, even though at times it might be hard to understand - right here right now I trust him and his will for us!

I know God is already teaching me so much and I am sure once we get through to the other side there will be even more he has taught us... God wants us to lean on him, to trust him, to follow him. When things are going well and when life is good it can be easy to forget our need for God. It is when something like this happens where we are totally out of control that we seem to cling to God more than ever. I guess ironically we need God for the very breath we breath each day - it can just be easy to forget!

I see this as an opportunity to glorify God, to show friends and family that we trust God even through the hard times, that even through the hard times we believe that God is in control of everything... Maybe I will also have other opportunities to speak to other women who have been though the same thing, that I might be able to encourage, love and speak to them about this experience.

Please pray for us as we grieve this loss, as my body does what it needs to do and as we think ahead to the future. It has been so stressful and the thought of going through this again freaks me out - please pray that God might be gracious in granting us a healthy pregnancy and baby in the near future.

I hope you don't mind me sharing, it's good to write it all down when it is fresh so I can look back at how God has been working and is working in my life right now.


Bonnie said...

Hi Nixter,

I just wanted to let you know how sad & sorry I was to hear this had happened to you and SP.

I'm praying for you, that God might comfort you and give you peace, that you might be blessed with a healthy pregnancy and baby in the future, and also praising Him, that even in the tough times you can trust in Him.

Thanks for sharing this with us.


Lara said...

Dear Nixter,

I was so sorry to read your bad news. What a terrible time for you and SP. I can only imagine how devestated you must feel.

I'm so encouraged and inspired by your response to this awful experience and I know that God will work for good in this situation.

I will be praying for you both at this difficult time, that you will feel God's peace and his blessings.

Much love, Lara

CraigS said...

I'm praying for you and SP Nixter...

David said...

Praying for you both.

"Blessed be His name."

onlinesoph said...

I was sad to hear this happened, but I'm so encouraged by your response.

You are in my prayers, both you and Scott - praying that you'll keep trusting God, that He will cloak you both in His love, that He may bless you with children and that this will all glorify God.

You are such a wonderful gift and encouragement to the women at our church. Thanbks for sharing about this - that can't have been easy.

Much love,


Alison said...

Oh Nicki, so sorry to hear of this. Will definitely pray for you and SP.

There's a bit in the song "In The Valley" from the Sovreign Grace CD Vally of Vision that goes:

"In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
but they only shine at night,
and the deper that I go into darkness,
the more I see their radiant light,
so let me learn that my losses are my gain,
to be broken is to heal,
that the valley's where your power is revealed."


Ray said...

Nix and SP this is very sad and I am praying that you both will get through this. Don't know what to say otherwise, other than I can't fully understand what you have been through but am thinking of you.

emily said...

My heart hurts with you. I will be praying. I think you will see that baby someday and he/she will be whole and complete in Jesus' arms! I'm praying for you and love you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Nixter, We prayed for you and SP and Paul and Jen last night. It was a very emotional time. We're praying for you and care for you guys enormously! Dominic

SamR said...

Hey Nixter,

This is such sad news, but thanks so much for sharing it in a godly and God honouring way. We will pray for you and SP.

John H said...

I'm very sorry to hear this news. Praying.

kristina said...

I am so sorry. I will be praying for you both.

samantha said...

Hey Nix,

What a hard time but what faith and trust you have in our Lord. Thanks for being such an example of godliness in taking both the hard times and the good times with thanksgiving. Will be praying for you both and that the Lord will bless you with a healthy baby.


Ash said...

I'm so sorry for you and Scott. Your family in America will be praying for you both. :)

Guthers said...

very sad news.

Praying for you

eileen~ said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief.

Anonymous said...

Hi Nix. I am sad to learn about it. I know what it's like, from a husband's perspective anyway.

The emotional hurting does stop. Hang in there.

Ruth said...

Love you Nix - thanks for sharing this. An open, honest post - am praying for and am so encouraged by your reliance and trust in our heavenly Father who loves you and SP so very much.

soph said...

Dear Nicky,
I will be praying for you guys... it is so terrible that these things happen in a fallen world. But we can think of the glory on the other side of heaven, where there will be no tears.
I pray that you guys will stay strong and depend on God. Sounds like you've got it in perspective, but I'm sure you have your moments when you struggle. Love you lots x soph

Martha said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Baethany and Adam went through the same thing last year. It was a hard time. Now you have a little "angel" in heaven too.

I will be praying for you and SP.

Gordon Cheng said...

Hey Nixter,

Thank you for your nice comments on my blog. I'm sorry to hear your news, and am praying for you.

Priscilla said...

I'm sorry this happened. I'm a little behind reading the blogs. I'm so thankful that I didn't miss this entirely. I almost did.

Hugs to you. May you feel the presence of the God of all comfort.